Perspective

I was talking with Penny recently about finances and the idea of prosperity as she was helping me set up a separate account for gift certificates in my Quickbooks. Penny, for years, managed the Stowe Coffee House. Those were the years, she says, that she never slept. She, most of all, probably best relates to my life these days. I mentioned a thought I had recently about my perspective on “being poor”. I noticed that when I working at the inn before I bought the shop, I always felt broke. I always felt like I was stuck and poor and not moving forward in any way. I had the chronic nagging feeling like there was something else out there that could afford me so much more. I had a regular salary, paid vacations and benefit options. I just wasn’t satisfied with my job and didn’t feel like I was being paid enough for what I was doing. I didn’t like busting my ass to promote someone else’s bureaucracy. I’ve related it, in prior posts, to the feeling of drawing air through a moldy, clogged up crazy straw.

I now make an incredibly small fraction of what I was making then. I have a fraction of the free time that job afforded me. I make very few personal draws on the business (meaning I rarely pay myself). I do not get paid vacations. I come in on my days off. I work twelve hour days several days a week. I live from the tip jar. I contribute little or nothing to the household expenses. But I feel so fucking wealthy. I come home content at the end of the day and I do not feel poor ever. I don't bark at my family anymore. I was talking to my mom last week (as I was spraying down tables at the end of the day) and telling her about all the progress at the shop lately and she mentioned that she couldn’t remember the last time she’s seen me this happy. I hadn’t thought about it. But she’s right.

It’s such a mindset. I’ve waitressed on and off since I was a teenager. I’ve had my own green housecleaning business. I’ve practiced massage therapy and tended births as a trained doula. I’ve done business management and worked with angry teenage boys in state’s custody. I’ve never been as “broke” as I am now and I’ve never been as content. Granted, I’m not at the point where I’m saving for Ella’s college tuition or putting money aside to retire with, but on the upside, I’m kind of gaining a ton of experience and perspective and passion.

Again, taking note. Taking stock.